I almost lost a friend to my insensitivity.

Of course it’s not something I wanted, but it’s a consequence of not setting my intentions on the Most High with all mine interactions.

I have, nonetheless, learned some valuable lessons from this: the foremost being that I should have more respect for myself.

I do firmly believe in the principle to treat others the way I want to be treated. The problem for me is that having been clinically diagnosed with major depressive disorder in 2016, I have a tendency to believe negative things about myself and to have little respect for myself.

Subconsciously, these tendencies often spill over into my interactions with others and cause me to treat them with less dignity that they deserve.

As ye would that men should do to you,
do ye also to them likewise.

Luke 6:31 (KJV)

It’s because of my upbringing.

When I was in high school and people would say things to me like, “Hey, why haven’t you killed yourself yet?” I would laugh it off and think to myself– Good question, why haven’t I? A cumulation of similar events over the next five years contributed to an actual attempt to end my life.

I don’t recount these things for attention or pity, but only because it’s necessary to be authentic. Likewise, I don’t use my depression diagnosis as an excuse to be a victim, but rather an indicator to better understand my own thought patterns and behaviors that no longer (or never did) serve me.

Self-pity is not a sign of righteousness, but of an unbelieving heart. Faith is believing that you are who God says you are despite how you feel.

So yes, although I’ve nearly lost a friend, the experience has taught me a valuable lesson about self-respect, about relationships, and about forgiving myself when I make mistakes.

In times past, I would have been my harshest critic, proclaiming to myself over and over how that I’m a jerkhole and a horrible person!

Not today, Satan.

This time I owned up to my wrongs both to my friend and to God, and offered a sincere apology. This situation, though unpleasant, was intended for both my growth and for that of my friend. May he do well in his endeavors and prosper in life.

All things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28 (KJV)